LETTER FROM ALEXIS
The Structure of Energy Healing
Have you ever been to a party where everyone is having a good time, and you’re stuck in a corner listening to a friend’s sad story - again? Now, I’m sure you’re sensitive to your friends needs and you love to support them compassionately in their times of crises, but somehow this feels like 'dejà vu’. It feels as though you’ve heard this story a thousand times before - and you’re right, you probably have! It could be that you’re listening to the same problem, repackaged into a different story line every time you meet this person.
Be it relationships or career we all face challenges, but like your friend, if we are constantly unhappy and complaining about the same problem, no matter what story it’s packaged in, then we need to find the cause. Why is it that we’re always having problems; the job we want never comes, our partner always lets us down, they never turn up on time and if they do, they never listen? How come this keeps happening to us?
Unless we question the dynamics of our unhappy relationships and ingrained behavioral patterns, we will wake up one day and discover that we are living a pseudo life: We’ll find we are out of harmony with our true self and living a story that is not aligned with the peace and harmony of our heart and soul.
Generally, the problems we have stem from behaviors we learnt as children, and which we have become Masters of: For example, when children get sick they learn tricks to stay off school, to whine and cry to get attention; they are rewarded for their negative behavior. Therefore children continue to act out this behavior because there is a payoff; to get what they want or to align themselves with somebody for attention and approval - and these payoffs, while not always pleasant, can last a lifetime!
However, these habits outgrow their purpose when we become adults. Childhood habits can create exactly the opposite affect for us as adults as they sabotage our relationships and hinder our careers. We can tell when this is happening because when the habits learned as children don’t work so well with a partner or career, we often just change tactics – if complaining and crying when something goes wrong doesn’t work then we might begin sulking and find - mmm…, well, maybe that’s not working so well either!
Many times they don’t work because the change is made only at a surface level, where we have simply re-formed the story’s modus operandi; we have not transformed the deeper fundamental energy patterns that block us from connecting to our authentic, peaceful and harmonious self. To find the peace and harmony of our authentic self, we need to get past the games and stories we live in and discover the essence of who we truly are.
If we are serious about real change then we must do more than talk about our unhappiness and our past and present difficulties. Because like your friend, we can talk about our problems until the cow’s come home. We could be just like the farmer who sits in his chair complaining and wishing that his cows would walk themselves into the milking shed. There will be no progress, nothing will change until he goes out there with the dogs and moves the herd himself.
The reality is, that in order to live a true and authentic life, your friend must take compassionate action within them self and move past their unhappy story. None of us can avoid this. We must slip gently beneath the surface of our false perceptions and make subtle energy shifts at the source of our stories creation. Until we do this, it’s unlikely that any of us can disengage from our old blueprint; just like the farmer we could spend our whole life wishing for things to be different. Wishing we could find the peace and harmony that waits for us within the gentle and tranquil layers of our true self.
For more information on the energy dynamics of the games people play, see this months recommended book. See also Alexis’s letter, which describes how subtle changes within herself, affected her life and her relationships.
‘Too often we are drawn into the story and we miss the point which is to release the energy‘ The Structure of Energy Healing
Many years ago I read a great book called ‘The Games People Play’ by Eric Berne whose work founded Transactional Analysis. He said there are many games being played in the world and unless we are really aware of our actions, we are all playing them. Eric Berne says with each game there is always a payoff, meaning that even negative behavior has a purpose because it gets us something, even though what it gets us may be counterproductive to our lives.
Some of the games are called ‘See What You Made Me Do,’ ‘Now I’ve Got You, You Son of a Bitch,’ ‘Look How Hard I’ve Tried,’ ‘Stupid,’ ‘Sweetheart,’ …etc. In the mid nineties after discovering the four different energy fields, and the tremendous impact they have on our lives, I looked at these games again, and found that they can all be placed within the structure of energy fields. Furthermore, I found that by untangling and clearing the energy fields of their old life-force, we can undo and release the need for The Games that We Play.
Excerpt from Wikipedia explains this work further. ...In the first half of the book, Dr. Berne introduces transactional analysis as a way of interpreting social interactions. He describes three roles or ego-states, the Child, the Parent, and the Adult, and postulates that many negative behaviors can be traced to switching or confusion of these ego-states. Dr. Berne discusses procedures, rituals, and pastimes in social behavior, in light of this method of analysis. For example, a boss who talks to his staff as a controlling parent will often engender self-abased obedience, tantrums, or other childlike responses from his employees. The second half of the book catalogues a series of mind games, in which people interact through a patterned and predictable series of “transactions" which are superficially plausible (that is, they may appear normal to bystanders or even to the people involved), but
which actually conceal motivations, include private significance to the parties involved, and lead to a well-defined predictable outcome, usually counterproductive. ..
LETTER FROM ALEXIS =======================================================
After my first session with Kay I noticed a number of subtle changes happening around me almost immediately. The most profound change was in my husband, who started taking responsibility for him self and our living space. We do not have a compatible marriage and some basic things in our relationship have been difficult and in dispute from the time we got together. Since my first treatment things have been changing and I have shifted from a parent to an adult in my outlook and manner. The outcome of this was that several areas of disagreement within our house were resolved without me having to do anything. My husband just started to step up to do his share of household chores and most importantly, he started to participate in the planning and discussion of household matters.
The interesting thing was that we did not discuss my treatment, so he had no idea of what I was working with. Also interesting was that I was working on becoming conscious of aspects of myself - not my husband, and I was not aware of being, or doing, anything different to facilitate these changes in him.
After the second session I have noticed a number of further changes happening around my immediate environment, again, especially around my husband. We are both controlling people and very stubborn. But now, there have been several incidents where my husband has done thoughtful things around the house that are in alignment with how I like things to be. He has known for the eighteen years we have been married I like things done a certain way but has never before acknowledged it. He has also become much more cooperative and prepared to listen to my point of view and I mean actually LISTEN.
The most amazing thing is he is now present in the relationship more often and I'm having a hard time adjusting to him in this new state! It’s just how Deepak Chopra explains quantum physics and creating your own reality, it was happening, and it was really happening to us because of the way Kay works with the energy fields. Because I've changed nothing in my manner or in the way I do things for these changes to happen, absolutely nothing, but things are changing around me. It's almost scary how working with my energy has had such a positive impact on our relationship.
A major factor I have noticed is we no longer fight to the death to get the upper hand or in his words, my way. He made an interesting comment "You seem to only be happy when you get your own way" I replied "I don't know anyone who doesn't enjoy getting their own way. Since that exchange the dynamics have changed and he no longer gets angry when a discussion ends in my favor. And I’m quite happy to praise him when he comes up with a good idea to solve a problem. I no longer have to be the victim. (Other members of) my family have noticed that the guilt issues I had with my father have disappeared, those problems have resolved themselves. I also notice that people in my immediate life
are a little puzzled with me, especially at work because I no longer get charged up over issues that I would normally have been very upset about, and as a result, other people are cooperating with me.
I am finding it much easier to step away from things I don't want to do in my life, and I am more interested in moving towards things I might like to get involved in. A lot of old patterns are gone, the negative energy has cleared itself and I’m not wasting energy trying to do things that used to be difficult, because a lot of subtle things that used to feel complicated are coming into focus. I'm now more confident in my ability to move towards a positive solution to my life path. I have several big decisions to make over the next year and I know I have the strength, courage and support of a whole different energy to achieve a great outcome for all the people involved.
TRAPEZE WITH Annie Minton
I had a wonderful challenging time with the lovely Annie Minton at her new studio in Mt Eden on her Trapeze bars. This workshop challenges your strength as it pushes the boundaries of what your body is used to doing. As Annie say’s it can be a real mental hurdle to hang upside down by your knees and swing. I found it exhilarating, and Annie was a patient and informative guide, it was real buzz to accomplish!
If you have ever dreamed of swinging upside down on a trapeze (even slowly and gently as I did), then just do it!
Check out Annie’s website for details www.annieminton.co.nz. Or call Annie on 021 815113.
Annie also introduced me to Twitter so sign up with me on: